guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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