he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
