I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i dont even know how to be here
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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