My underwear smells like fireworks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
