Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
