We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
