They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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