when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
