he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
