She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
