i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
