Life is so much better after having sex.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize