I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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