just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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