there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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