On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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