am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize