I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
