He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
