You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
