how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my phone needs a breathalizer
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
