Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
