I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
