Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
