if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
