the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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