I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
