You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Semen is not good for contacts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
