Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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