Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Randomize
