I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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