Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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