i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
