she was so not down for the gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
