I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize