so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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