I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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