she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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