Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
