In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
