I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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