Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
