So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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