did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize