I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
