I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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