i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
