Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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