Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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