Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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