I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
