its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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