In America we eat man semen.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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