Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
