Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
