So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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