it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
