My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
