He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
