She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
