btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
