Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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