I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
