maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Randomize
