so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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