Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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