is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
