I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
