yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
