Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
