I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your cock deserves a montage
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
