I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize