is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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