if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
