You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
