my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
