So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
