im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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