Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
