Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
