he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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