I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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