toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I faked an abortion last night.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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