Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
