can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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