Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
