I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
