my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
